Tragic Tuesday : London Fashion Week.

Tragic Tuesday : London Fashion Week.

No, not the clothes… well, maybe the clothes, depending on where you look. The tragedy of LFW2011? The so-called celebrity turnout. If this is the level of ‘famous’ that is being allowed access to these shows (Viv Westwood, and Burberry was particularly lame) then I think we should all be awaiting our VIP passes for next year.

Pete Burns (Yes, that IS a man) Some annoying girl from Girl’s Aloud, and what’sherface Geldof (Yes that IS a girl) Is this the best they could rumble up to sit front row? Really?

Saddness, since Burberry for example has vastly improved it’s image and it’s pieces in recent years.

Head to Toe in Beige... How utterly predicable.

I just... don't get it. Why?

Oh look, the annoying ginger one from GirlsAloud got a new weave.

Apparently, Alexa proves to us all that all you have to do is suck... at your job, and you're instantly a 'fashion girl'. Well it's worked for Bo and Bilson. Awesome, right?

Sarcastically yours, The BHB.

Gaga gets protective over Viva Glam

Here at BHB, we are MAC Cosmetics addicts. We sing their praises regularly over twitter and I think the brand makes up half of my personal cosmetic collection. So, when MAC’s Viva Glam program announced there would be special edition Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper shades in early 2010, we were very excited.

Now that those original shades are due to be discontinued (why yes, I do have backups, I suggest you get some too) Gaga has lined up a new shade, Viva Glam Gaga 2.
I am not going to slam the colour, even if it isn’t as unique as the last one was, it seems like a very good wash-out-your-lips nude. Every girl needs a nude or five, and of course these ones help people who are living with or affected by HIV and AIDS.




But, I just cannot get over the outfit Gaga wore on Good Morning America to promote it!
I seriously did this at my computer:

I admit, I really cannot stand most of what she wears anyway and force myself to think like the parent of a troubled teen: “it’s an art form, and expression, she will grow out of it”, and I do get why she went with that outift, she was promoting safe sex, but that condom inspired suit was ridiculous! It looked dreadful! Not just because it is peach latex, but because it is shapeless. It just hangs off her instead of being form fitting, which lets face it, would have been a far more accurate representation.

And the whole “the universe needs to have a rebirth” shit? Yes our world is fucked up right now, but I do not need to be in a vessel for three days, I love myself! I’m awesome! But then, if I walked around with horns sprouting from my face like she does then I can’t say I would feel so good about myself either.

Bottom line, buy the lippy, be aware and protect yourself, but please ignore the “fashion” the person promoting it is wearing, and if you spot her on the street walk in the opposite direction, quickly! Her crazy might be catching.


Yours Venomously, BHB.

MAC Aids Fund

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Fabulous Friday Presents : NYFW, the Good, the Bad, and the Irrelevant

Fabulous Friday

Here on the BHB we’re not only bitches, but we’re fabulous bitches - and yes there is quite a difference. So we’ve decided that each Friday should reflect such... well, fabulous-ness!

Starting with the ridiculously wonderful, and sometimes just a little bit shit - New York Fashion Week.

All week we’ve been keeping an eye on our favourite catwalk Kings&Queens as they laid out their little fashion souls on the runways of New Yaark Citaay.

Some where flawless, and others... well, I can’t be the only one thinking most of them are
high during the designing phrase, can I? Regardless, we had a plethora of looks for every occasion.

From Oscar De La Renta and his whimsical flirtations with fitted waists with puffed out hemlines, to Calvin Klein and their clean (if a little boring at times) lines and boxed in block colours, to Ralph Lauren with his rebellion on the leather pant look when he gave us his simple silhouettes with delicate lace and detailed, to Jason Wu and his love affair of bold colour - New York Fashion Week hit us this week with a interesting take on all the trends we’ve been hearing so much about since winter. Spring Summer and Fall Winter were show cased by various designers this week.

Calvin Klein

Ralph Lauren

Jason Wu

One of the most fierce in attendance in my opinion was back stage at the Alexander Wang showing.

The little niece of AW, so much fierceness in one tiny person, isn’t it fab? There are bitches twenty and thirty years her senior failing to do that this little one does without even knowing it!

Some of my favourite pieces came from L'Wren Scott

Simple, flattering, elegant. What else can you ask for?

Of course with Fashion Week comes the Fashion Weak, otherwise know as those ‘fashionistas’ of celeb land that think they have the stylish gene. And don’t get me wrong, some do, some do it all flawlessly at times -  On trend with her androgynous, tailored fit - shame about the face though-
and this fitted but flattering in a pop of green that goes so well with her glowing skin and healthy look!

While some …

Hmm. I'm not sure what they were aiming for to be honest, but they hit the fashionf**kup pile straight on!

And then you get the ones that get the last minute invite simply because they were the ‘face’ of a certain brand for like ten minutes a zillion years ago (okay, so it was four, but in Hollywood that's a lifetime!) - in what appears to be a orange CK sack, and a fab FAB wig!

Hey, at least her head isn’t making her tilt over this time, that’s always a plus. Oh, no wait, there it is,

 

Now that we’ve seen what the Yanks have thrown at us, it’s the Brits turn this week - London Callin' / - 65 catwalk shows and 45 salon shows and presentations to take place over 6 days! Can’t wait for more!!

Sarcastically yours, The BHB





Photo Sources - http://celebrity-gossip.net/ http://www.fabsugar.com.au http://www.ivillage.com

Actresses that can't act, pretend to design sh*t instead.

That’s right folks, that pesky label of actress is too restricting for some these days, and for some I mean those ‘actresses’ that cannot and simply do not actually ‘act’ anymore. No, acting? That’s too much like work, that takes too much of a thing called talent. No. Can’t find a job? Movies constantly bombing with the public? Generally feeling like a bit of a useless star-fucker?
Simple solution to your problem.

  Become a designer.

Now, going to university to study this craft? Bah, that’s so last century. All that’s needed these days to call yourself a fashionista is to steal.
Sure some people get hauled off to court for it, but no, not our little honey’s of Hollyweird.  They simply get praise and photographed and arse-kissed more so than usual with a new title to their name.
Who is this you may ask? Well, just think of two or three actress - all extremely bland, all extremely similar in their fail, all extremely smug for just about no reason that anyone can actually think of.
I mean I know when my friends and I had no jobs and absolutely no decent job prospects, the last thing we looked was smug. But then again we haven’t been having an affair with botox since our late teens…

Kate Bosworth, yes remember her? No? Well for those of us on the Euro side of the pond, she’s that girl that’s famous for looking like a tween and fucking famous men… ring a bell? No, not Sienna, the Yank version of Sienna. Yes… her. The one Orlando Bloom upgraded from. Got it now?

Good.

The Bo is now a designer, no I shit you not. She and her friend and ‘stylist’ Cher something-or-other have decided to kill some time between her box office bombs and like, design.
I use that word loosely however since one peek at their collection and it’s like we’re all five years old again, you know - threaded rope bracelets - because she was seen at a festival or something trying to channel her ’Swedish’ style (pink and silver and like, so chic don’t you know.) Pebble looking earrings, because she went to Sweden and of course now that she has a Swedish boyfriend she will have to morph herself into what he wants, and that’s a fake Swede, right?

Of course.

Anyone else think they look distinctly Primark?



Untitled from Kerry Pieri on Vimeo.

I'm not kidding, I got this in topshop two years ago.

Equally as questionable in her calling as an actress is, Rachel Bilson. Now, don't get us wrong, we loved her as Summer Roberts in The OC, but then again that's back when both she and Misha Barton had a career, and her sanity intact. But now?

Well… 

 Why is she photographed all the time, doing the most boring of boring stuff about town? Going to the doctors, going to the post office, going to the store? Who cares again, I barely care when I'M doing these things, I care even less when someone as irrelevant as RB is doing it. But, apparently some people do care and it’s these people that the nice people over at DKNY  Jeans must be aiming for since they’ve asked dear talented RB to design a capsule collection called Edie Rose. She was at a Macy’s in Florida pimping her ‘designs’ and as Lainey points out, these too look a tad familiar do they not?
*Raises Eyebrow*

So, ladies, who needs to work for a living? Let us all just take ‘inspiration’ from these women shall we? Like they take their 'inspiration' from every other actual talent designer on the planet! Let’s whore out or names and our limited talents and make a mint, a Jewelmint.

… Or not.
Sarcastically yours, The BHB. Xox

Tragic Tuesday

When one thinks of the word “Tragic” many things may come to mind. A heartbreaking tale or a film, a certain situation you may find yourself in…or the recent trend that is supposedly set out to take over the Fashion World in the Spring of 2011. Be afraid…be very afraid.

Love them or hate them, shoes can be a woman’s best friend (along with diamonds, of course). After all, small fortunes can be spent on lovely pairs of shoes; you may find yourself spending hours in a pair that just don’t fit right all for the sake of their beauty. And yet there are the ones that catch your eye, ever so often, for all the wrong reasons entirely. We’ve all been there. We’ve all seen a pair of shoes that have rendered us inquisitive by its odd nature.

Trends come and go as do the seasons; it’s their nature. But certain trends belong in the past and should remain there. Such can be said for…FLATFORMS!!! That’s correct, no pretty little platform pumps or anything of the type for the upcoming season, but Flatforms! Once popular in the 1970’s, major designers such as Prada and Fendi are trying to place them back in style.

Fendi gets funky all wrong.

Forget Wedges, flatforms are the new “It” Shoe. And why shouldn’t they be? Haven’t you ever wondered how it would feel to walk with a block attached to your foot? Or perhaps you were of fan on the American 1960’s television show “The Munsters” and wished to capture Herman’s best accessory? And for the affordable price of only $1,067.60 you can get your very own broken ankle…courtesy of Fendi. They’re also said to give the illusion of longer legs…unfortunately there is no illusion to hide the monstrosity of these shoes.

Sardonically yours, BHB

Source, Source

The Disney curse strikes again! *insert lightening bolt here*

Don’t believe in a Disney curse? Well, shame on you! Walt Disney, one of the original mother hating -cartoon creatin’- Snow White lovin’- dudes. Think about almost every Disney film? Is there a mother? Chances are if there is, she’ll die soon and if there isn’t … well she’s already been bunked off permanently.

Disney hates families!

So, it’s no surprise that the shock and awe news that the Disney Curse has struck on that down home, totally normal and completely sane family that is The Billy Ray Cyrus Bunch.
B.Ray and his impressively cuntry lookin’ facial hair were all up in arms announcing that Disney and “Hannah Montana” has ruined his family and their relationship with him *gasp*

Yeah, shoving your kid into the spotlight when she’s basically… what? Still a foetus?
Always a smart plan for pressures on the family.

Where it all bong wrong.

BRay spilled his guts to GQ Magazine -- claiming Miley's handlers meddled in his relationship with his daughter and prevented him from properly parenting her through difficult situations ... including the Vanity Fair cover scandal and her controversial pole dancing performance at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards.

Billy says he hasn't spoken to Miley since the bong video surfaced and states, "I'm scared for her. She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger."

Right, clearly, she… and her zillions are now in danger of being taken advantage of because you’re not around to count the dosh… I mean look after your daughter. How sad that must feel. Never mind the fact that she’s of legal age now (in most sane countries don’t get me started on the Yank law.) to do whatever she pleases, with her zillions in her back pocket.

Too little, too late Billy boy.


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Sarcastically yours, The BHB.

The Warriors Wrinkly Way

Got some horns poking out there Kate?

From those who are a little too fond of embracing their food at the moment to those who fear it, like a Catholic’s fear the devil, poor little Katie Bosworth has been avoiding it again. Not only has she been costing studios millions of $$$ as of late, her poor “little” forehead must be getting wrinkly from the stress. Well, your film making a $35 mil. loss would do that to you I guess.


Strolling around El-ay recently, sporting some nice red patches from a potential series of botox injections, we wonder has no-one ever told this girl to try bangs? By that we mean the kind that involves styling your hair so that it covers an over-sized forehead, not what she usually does with the hot new thing on the block, those hunky up and coming actors of her generation. Or hey, even making sure you aren’t going to be photographed after a treatment, since this is twice in a week now, and we know she has her pap-dar turned to full so she really has no excuse.


As she is making it so painfully obvious that she isn’t opposed to all kinds of cosmetic surgery *cough*fillers*cough* maybe she will consider a boob lift for those sagging bee stings since it seems that her boyfriend’s pecs are just edging ahead in the little skinny-off comp that must be happening pre, and post, romp over in the SkarsBo household...
Maybe next time she and old pal Lindsay Lohan can make their appointments together, they certainly seem to enjoy being fully fledged members of the growing old disgracefully club, such is the mystifying norm in Hollyweird.


The only redeeming feature of this little snapshot? No Tackymint in sight!



Venomously yours, BHB

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Musical Monday Presents :

Here at the lovely BHB you’ll not only get your education in ‘truth’ and sarcasm, but you’ll also receive a musical  education, courtesy of your favourite bitches. 

Bob Dylan Plays Grammys (w/ Mumford & Sons, Avett Brothers)
Over 45 years after unleashing his electric version of “Maggie’s Farm” on the unsuspecting 1965 Newport Folk Festival crowd, Bob Dylan performed the bluesy Bringing It All Back Home classic last night for an all-acoustic-backed performance alongside Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers. Watch their three-act tribute to acoustic music on the 2011 Grammy Awards, and remember that sometimes the music speaks loudly enough for itself - without the the need for ridiculously over the top stunts to prove their point ala The Gaga. I mean really, I love Gaga as much as the next girl, I really do but I just can't egg her on any more,first the meat then the eggs - what's next, the toast? Is she making musical breakfast? I shudder to think how she'll create the orange juice!

Xtina goes from XXX to XL

She does all her own stunts.

We will start with saying that Christina Aguilera is still beautiful, no matter what we say, and we truly mean nothing against her because we know she is having problems (and I still love her songs, I ‘aint going to lie!) However, it seems she has been making frequent visits to that sweet-talking, sugar-coated candyman, Willy Wonka, a few times too many of late...not advisable when you are going to be opening the Grammy’s. Well, we must assume that what a girl wants isn’t always what she needs.


Xtina could easily come back from this, we know that our fighter wont let that little bit of weight hold her down. It is well known to women all over that nothing makes you feel better in the middle of troubles then being able to look in the mirror and seeing yourself at your very best. All she needs is to get those happy-making endorphins pumping and she should be back to her Dirrrty self again in no time. I recommend starting with some weights, those wings need toning pronto because at the moment, we’re positive that Genie wouldn’t fit back in the bottle.

Bitchily yours, BHB




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